When my doctor told me to expect hair loss two to three weeks after my first treatment, I began to psychologically prepare myself, thinking it would make it easier when the time came. No matter how many times I told myself it wasn't going to be that bad, or that my hair was going to grow back after treatment, etc., it was still a traumatic experience.

Facing a life-threatening illness and treatment is sometimes as painful as the illness itself. Hair loss might seem like a small worry, but for me, it was just the opposite. So far, losing my hair has been one of the biggest fears and one of the most emotionally upsetting experiences of my whole cancer journey . Once my hair was gone, I felt like I was now an official cancer patient.

When my hair began to thin, I texted my hair stylist, Shaylee, who is also my daughter’s best friend, telling her that it was time to shave my hair. She immediately responded saying she would be over later that evening to complete the task. By the time she arrived, I had changed my mind and told her I couldn’t do it. She suggested we cut my hair into a short style for now, hoping to decrease the pain of losing ALL my hair at once. I thought it was a good idea. She cut my hair into a short style and I loved it! Now, I really didn’t want to lose my hair because I liked the cut so much. Within a week or so, my hair had fallen out enough I knew I had no choice but shave it. Once again, Shaylee came over with her shears in hand.

I was dreading having anyone see me bald. I had hoped Shaylee could do it in the dark. What was I thinking? We prepared a spot in the bathroom, I took my seat and realized both my daughters, Michelle and Becca had come into the room and shut the door. They were encouraging me, rooting me on. Well, how could I kick them out of the room, they are my very own personal pep club!

I thought to myself, what the heck, took a deep breath, flipped my cap off and told Shaylee to have at it. It didn’t take her but a few minutes, and then my cap was back on covering my head with no hair. No one, including Joe, has seen my round little bald head.

The next day Shaylee posted the following on facebook:

"The real defanition for beautiful....I got to share a special moment between 2 daughters and a mother who are close to me. Beauty is not looking sexy in a short skirt that barley fits your body or wearing so much makeup to cover what you think are imperfections that where made from birth, that when you take it off before bed at night You don't even reconize yourself because your covering up who you really are...BEAUTY is someone struggling to hold on to life who appears to be weak from the outside but the mind of a fighter with faith beyond measure, when you hear her voice and her strength of courage it immediately over loads you with tears that begin to create a waterfall, as she sits with her perfect round head, accepting the cards dealt to her and finding the postivite experience of cancer... that's pure BEAUTY if ive ever seen it!! No ONE FIGHTS ALONE!

                 Thank you Shaylee for lifting my spirits and deeply touching my heart!

And thank you Rebecca and Michelle for encouraging me to battle on

and loving me with or without hair!

 I love you girls!!!

I can't believe March is almost over. Our month has been busy. My daughter, Michelle, came home to visit the first of the month. She completely took over cleaning, cooking and laundry, which was not only a big help for me, but it gave Joe and Rebecca a break too. Thanks Michelle!

I'm so blessed to have the support I have. My husband always makes sure I'm comfortable and that I have everything I need. My kids have taken over all my duties (cleaning an such). And my grand kids keep me laughing and provide many hugs and kisses. We have been feed very well thanks to friends and the sisters from our ward. We've had several visitors, which I enjoy very much. A close childhood friend of mine spent the day with me! A cousin from California also came to visit! It was so good to see her! Friends have taken us out for rides, treats, dinner and many have came to visit, sent cards, emails and messages. We are overwhelmed by the kindness and service so many have extended to us! I think I've said this before; I had no idea I had so many friends! We send our heartfelt appreciation and love to each and everyone one of you! All that everyone does, lifts me and empowers me to continue my battle in fighting this horrible disease.

My third round of chemo is this Thursday. I experienced more side affects the last round of chemo. I can hardly wait (NOT) to see what's in store this time!

Until next time, may the Lord keep and watch over you! :)

Apparently, I'm not much of a blogger. I'll try and do better in the future.

I've felt pretty good this past week. Food taste better and water taste somewhat normal. I had a bad day yesterday, My hair fell out. I am now an official cancer patient! I thought I was mentally prepared to lose my hair, but I wasn't. It was very traumatic and I cried most of the day. Today, I'm just glad it's over.

We are a little over a month into fighting this horrible disease. We know Heavenly Father is watching over us, we've seen his hand in our lives several times. Joe and I are overwhelmed by the love and support of our family, neighbors, friends and ward members. I'm so grateful to those who have brought meals in. Joe's idea of making dinner is driving to Taco Time, Wendy's or Subway, which is ok, about once a year! I haven't had much strength to do much of anything and being nauseated all the time doesn't put me into a mood to cook. To all those who have brought meals, we send a heartfelt thank you, you've done more than just feed my hungry family.

Tomorrow is chemo day. I didn't think I would be as nervous having gone through this once already. I know what to expect, but I'm just as nervous as I was the first time. I dread being nauseated and feeling weak. Such is chemotherapy. :)

I will try write more frequent.