When ye are in the service of your fellow beings ye are only in the service of your God, Mosiah 2:17

We were deeply touched by the kind service from the Achievement Day girls from our ward. They surprised us with a delicious dinner. We enjoyed their sweet spirits and loved having them in our home. Aren't they beautiful? They are lucky to have two great leaders who are such great examples. Thank you girls and leaders!

My surgery is schedule for May 9th. I am still sorting through all the emotions I feel. I do know one thing for sure...I'm terrified! But like I said before, who wouldn't be?

Wow! Holy cow, what a day! The results of my CTC weren’t exactly what we expected. In our naïve minds we expected a yes or no answer to the question: is the cancer shrinking? The results indicated good news, bad news and unexpected news. I will attempt to explain the results and what the doctor said in the simplest terms. I know of no other way anyway. 

The CT scan was taken from the chest to the lower abdomen on 4/16/2012 (Happy Anniversary). It’s compared to the first one taken on 2/14/2012 (Happy Valentine’s Day).

The not so good news:
Lungs: there are three lumps that appear to be stable/not changing.

The good news/so so news:

Liver: a previously noted lesion of the liver is less conspicuous. YAY! However, (oh shoot) there is an apparent new small lesion on the liver. It was not evident on the prior scan.

The good good news:

The Primary Peritoneal Carcinoma aka Ovarian Cancer (yes, it is possible to have ovarian cancer without ovaries, cuz I’m proof) is responding to the chemotherapy. It is less conspicuous, in other words, it’s shrinking. Yippee!!

The bad news:

There is no significant change to the cancer on the omentum. The omentum is a fatty type apron that covers and protects the stomach.

Unexpected News:
Because the cancer on the omentum isn’t responding to chemotherapy, my doctor recommended having the omentum surgically removed. If other tumors can safely be removed, it will be done at this time also. This is referred to as debulking surgery.

Our options are: #1-have the surgery done now, in the middle of the six cycles of chemotherapy, or #2-have it done at the end of the six cycles of chemotherapy. My doctor explained the benefits of having it done now rather than waiting. After prayerfully considering his suggestion, we made the decision to have the surgery now. I will discontinue chemotherapy for now. After healing from surgery, I will continue the last three cycles of chemotherapy.

I am NOT looking forward to surgery! Honestly, who would be? However, I hope to gain a little strength and energy before surgery. And possibly grow a stubble of hair on my perfectly round, shiny white bald head.

We apologize for taking so long to post. I know many have been waiting to hear the results.  We needed some time to absorb everything that happened today. Because it’s impossible to call everyone, we wanted to make sure what we posted made sense. We hope we have accomplished this. We hope we haven’t confused you too much, but this really is a condensed version of the CTC.

Joe and I, our family, are deeply grateful for everyone’s support, positive thoughts, encouragement and love. Thank you all!

We are grateful for a loving, merciful, Heavenly Father who listens to our pleas and answers our prayers. We have witnessed his hand often guiding us and helping us fight this fight. We are grateful He has blessed us with all of you! We couldn't endure without each and everyone of you!

NO ONE FIGHTS ALONE!!!
We must fight a little harder, a little longer. :)

 Tomorrow is chemo day. I must admit I'm dreading it. :(

I have it in my head the side effects are going to be worse, that seems to be the pattern. It's hard to stay positive while experiencing muscles and bones ache, nausea and puking my guts out. Feeling queasy and constipated constantly are the norm. Sorry...TMI. My face and neck turn red, it feels like a sunburn, only burning from the inside out. I constantly feel a burning, numb, itchy sensation on the bottom of my feet and palms of my hands.  My face, especial my eyes, are puffy and swollen. My tongue is swollen and tingly. Swallowing has becme difficult. I get strange cravings. Avoiding dehydration is nearly impossible. I sleep ten hours, wake up tired and weak. I stumble downstairs, eat breakfast, then back upstairs for a nap. Getting ready for the day nearly wipes me right out. I'm tired of being tired. I'm tired of feeling like I have a bad case of the flu. I sleep with the window slightly open and the ceiling fan on. Joe freezes, but never complains. On a good day, if I have enough strength, I try to do a task or two to help Joe and Rebecca with the house work. Okay...enough complaining...I'll get off my pity potty and quit whining.

Speaking of Joe...this week is our anniversary. It's hard to believe how fast the years have passed. Joe and I met on August 31, 1974. We've had our ups and downs, good times and bad times, just like everyone else. My prayer is to have many more years together. Joe has been so loving and supportive. He takes me to all my appointments. He stays by my side the full six hours of my chemotherapy. He sits with me while I sleep and makes me laugh when I'm awake. He encourages me when I'm down. holding me tight when I cry. He has taken over the cleaning, laundry and grocery shopping. He never complains and never makes me feel like a burden. He just keeps loving me and loves me more the next day. There are no words to express how much I love him. I appreciate all he does for me. I am so blessed to have him.

Okay...enough of the sappy stuff. I better get myself psyched for tomorrow. I feel a nap coming on.

It's almost time for my fourth treatment. My third treatment, March 29th, was similar to the first and second treatment, but the side effects were a little worse. The nausea, fatigue, weakness, muscles and bone aches, numbness in my feet and hands intensified. I suffer mental lapse and forgetfulness, which of course, is due to the chemo. ;) The good news is, I am half way through my treatments!

I have days when I am discouraged and wonder how much longer I can cope. I read this scripture and quote on the same day.

 ”Press forward with a steadfastness in Christ, having a perfect brightness of hope, and a love of God and of all men. Wherefore, if ye shall press forward, feasting upon the word of Christ, and endure to the end, behold, thus saith the Father: ye shall have eternal life”
(2 Nephi 31:20)

I thought of what Christ went through for me. How could I complain? How could I forget all the pain and agony he suffered? How could I not ”endure to the end”? And not just to endure, but to endure well, to endure with faith and hope and courage.

President Uchtdorf said:

”...to all who suffer---to all who feel discouraged, worried or lonely---I say with love and deep concern for you, never give in.
Never surrender.
Never let despair to overcome your spirit.”

This was exactly what I needed. If I ”Press forward with a steadfastness in Christ.....ye shall have eternal life”. This promise is very comforting to me.

This weekend we took a small road trip to Henderson, Nevada to see our daughter, Anna. It turned out our son, David, and our other daughter, Rebecca, and all the grand kids went down too! We had a blast! I wasn't able to walk far so we took a wheelchair. Poor Rebecca pushed me around most of the time, and yes, she was sore the next day. It was so good to have everyone together.

Riley, Grace and Devon at the M&M Factory

Devon, Riley, Rebecca and Grace

Devon, Riley and Grace.

All of us eating breakfast. 

We had so much fun! I can't wait to go again!

Today, I had a CT scan to see if the tumor is shrinking. We should know the results by Thursday. I will post more then.

Have a happy week!

When my doctor told me to expect hair loss two to three weeks after my first treatment, I began to psychologically prepare myself, thinking it would make it easier when the time came. No matter how many times I told myself it wasn't going to be that bad, or that my hair was going to grow back after treatment, etc., it was still a traumatic experience.

Facing a life-threatening illness and treatment is sometimes as painful as the illness itself. Hair loss might seem like a small worry, but for me, it was just the opposite. So far, losing my hair has been one of the biggest fears and one of the most emotionally upsetting experiences of my whole cancer journey . Once my hair was gone, I felt like I was now an official cancer patient.

When my hair began to thin, I texted my hair stylist, Shaylee, who is also my daughter’s best friend, telling her that it was time to shave my hair. She immediately responded saying she would be over later that evening to complete the task. By the time she arrived, I had changed my mind and told her I couldn’t do it. She suggested we cut my hair into a short style for now, hoping to decrease the pain of losing ALL my hair at once. I thought it was a good idea. She cut my hair into a short style and I loved it! Now, I really didn’t want to lose my hair because I liked the cut so much. Within a week or so, my hair had fallen out enough I knew I had no choice but shave it. Once again, Shaylee came over with her shears in hand.

I was dreading having anyone see me bald. I had hoped Shaylee could do it in the dark. What was I thinking? We prepared a spot in the bathroom, I took my seat and realized both my daughters, Michelle and Becca had come into the room and shut the door. They were encouraging me, rooting me on. Well, how could I kick them out of the room, they are my very own personal pep club!

I thought to myself, what the heck, took a deep breath, flipped my cap off and told Shaylee to have at it. It didn’t take her but a few minutes, and then my cap was back on covering my head with no hair. No one, including Joe, has seen my round little bald head.

The next day Shaylee posted the following on facebook:

"The real defanition for beautiful....I got to share a special moment between 2 daughters and a mother who are close to me. Beauty is not looking sexy in a short skirt that barley fits your body or wearing so much makeup to cover what you think are imperfections that where made from birth, that when you take it off before bed at night You don't even reconize yourself because your covering up who you really are...BEAUTY is someone struggling to hold on to life who appears to be weak from the outside but the mind of a fighter with faith beyond measure, when you hear her voice and her strength of courage it immediately over loads you with tears that begin to create a waterfall, as she sits with her perfect round head, accepting the cards dealt to her and finding the postivite experience of cancer... that's pure BEAUTY if ive ever seen it!! No ONE FIGHTS ALONE!

                 Thank you Shaylee for lifting my spirits and deeply touching my heart!

And thank you Rebecca and Michelle for encouraging me to battle on

and loving me with or without hair!

 I love you girls!!!

I can't believe March is almost over. Our month has been busy. My daughter, Michelle, came home to visit the first of the month. She completely took over cleaning, cooking and laundry, which was not only a big help for me, but it gave Joe and Rebecca a break too. Thanks Michelle!

I'm so blessed to have the support I have. My husband always makes sure I'm comfortable and that I have everything I need. My kids have taken over all my duties (cleaning an such). And my grand kids keep me laughing and provide many hugs and kisses. We have been feed very well thanks to friends and the sisters from our ward. We've had several visitors, which I enjoy very much. A close childhood friend of mine spent the day with me! A cousin from California also came to visit! It was so good to see her! Friends have taken us out for rides, treats, dinner and many have came to visit, sent cards, emails and messages. We are overwhelmed by the kindness and service so many have extended to us! I think I've said this before; I had no idea I had so many friends! We send our heartfelt appreciation and love to each and everyone one of you! All that everyone does, lifts me and empowers me to continue my battle in fighting this horrible disease.

My third round of chemo is this Thursday. I experienced more side affects the last round of chemo. I can hardly wait (NOT) to see what's in store this time!

Until next time, may the Lord keep and watch over you! :)

Apparently, I'm not much of a blogger. I'll try and do better in the future.

I've felt pretty good this past week. Food taste better and water taste somewhat normal. I had a bad day yesterday, My hair fell out. I am now an official cancer patient! I thought I was mentally prepared to lose my hair, but I wasn't. It was very traumatic and I cried most of the day. Today, I'm just glad it's over.

We are a little over a month into fighting this horrible disease. We know Heavenly Father is watching over us, we've seen his hand in our lives several times. Joe and I are overwhelmed by the love and support of our family, neighbors, friends and ward members. I'm so grateful to those who have brought meals in. Joe's idea of making dinner is driving to Taco Time, Wendy's or Subway, which is ok, about once a year! I haven't had much strength to do much of anything and being nauseated all the time doesn't put me into a mood to cook. To all those who have brought meals, we send a heartfelt thank you, you've done more than just feed my hungry family.

Tomorrow is chemo day. I didn't think I would be as nervous having gone through this once already. I know what to expect, but I'm just as nervous as I was the first time. I dread being nauseated and feeling weak. Such is chemotherapy. :)

I will try write more frequent.